Last week my friend come to see me. She was here some hours and my toddler son was being typical toddler and typical boy. He was running around and being loud and makeing mess. I am used to it. I think so it is more not healthy if we make our children to play quiet and alone and supress theyre personalitys. My son being the way he is makes me proud that actualy he is just a healthy growing boy. For sure it is some times when he throws things in frustration because he can not have what he wants,, but this is part of being toddler and testing limits. My friend said to me, “your son is out of control, how do you deal with it, you look tired etc.” (My friend is not a mother). And she sugested a child psychiatrist. (My son is 2 years old)
For sure when some one criticises your child you will feel defense and be very fast to correct them. I said to her “you know, he is normal and healthy with energetic temprament. Each one child is different”. I think so she realised she had ofended me a little bit and had maybe expressed her point wrong. She corrected her self and said, “Well, you know I think you will be a great mother to daughters,, you are just very soft to be a mother to boys.”
I did not have to ask her what she means when she said, “too soft” because it is some thing she and another women have said to me very many times. It is painfull if we let it to be, and for sure if we are criticised about the same point many times we must to look to ourself and see actualy what are our faults so we can work on them. But in the end of the day, I believe we can not change who we are and our character, fundamentaly. We can inprove but we are still us with our own temprament and personality.
I was a little upset recentley when a group of women friends (who I am usualy a part of that friend ship group) decided to go for paint balling for one womans birthday. It was all women group and it would have been lovely to be invited. When you are a mother you do not get chance to go out very much. My friend last week was talking how fun it was and I tryed to hide that I was feeling little bit left out. She probabley noticed my feeling and said, “We did not invite you and Maria because we knew you two hate paint balling”. I said “actualy, paint balling is fun.” She started to laugh and said it was funny even to imagine me paint balling and that would I wear high heels?
I do not want to make my friend seem not kind, truthfuly she has a wonderfull heart. But I know some times our diferences annoy her. She calls me, a “doll” and says I am very fragile. But the truth is imo, it is not a weakness to be more feminine or sensitive. Every one we have our own strength and weakness and perhaps we are suposed to be that way. Some women have strength in diferent ways that I admire very much. For example,, I know some women who are very ambitios with theyre career. That is wonderfull and some thing that I do not possess. But that does not some how make me and other women with more home making and soft temprament some how better than us.
It was some time to write any thing here so first I must say I hope you had a blessed Christmas, blessed New Year and Epiphany.
I do not have very many thoughts I feel very worthey of shareing right now. So this will be a little boring of a post, I guess. But thanks to God my family and I are doing well. I have been writing some very (amateaur) poetry in my free time and I hope so some of them will be enough good to share in this blog soon.
I am feeling thankfull and loveing, I have some days where the greif for my father feels very strong but the greif is changeing slowly in to beautifull memorys.
I know I am feeling better because I have started bakeing again!! That is a good sign for me.
So with this post only I will conclude with saying thanks to our Lord, and to offer prayers for anyone reading this who they need prayers.
And I hope so I can write a more interesting blog post very soon.
Diogenes is still awake
But he can not love his bride
Georgia is a trembling one
She has run to hide.
Diogenes heart is full
But he can not let it free
Georgia is locked in misplaced love
Not where she wants to be.
He went on his knees to pray
First he did not know what to say
A sinner like him black like tar
Did not know forgiveness
Was not so far away.
His heart was broke
His mind some times mad
His smile was only half
His eyes was always sad.
He loved her for one minute
He could not love her more
He closed his heart and run
Out of the marital door.
He loved her for one minute
One minute could not suffice
Diogenes remain her love
Her virtue and her vice.
“Rejoice, O Mother,
beholding Me as a Babe and resting in thine arms;
for I have come to take away all the pain of Adam,
which he suffered because of the evil counsel of the serpent.
Tasting of the tree he found himself removed from the
sweetness of Paradise
and subject to corruption.”
(Forefeast of Nativity)
“Now the forces of evil are trying to unite the human race in order to establish a “new world order” for the coming of the Antichrist. But it does not work. They wonder why, because they are so faithfully serving the devil? They complain to him that they can not complete the case because of the Orthodox. And the devil himself also complains that, because of the Orthodox, he cannot fulfill his hellish plan.
And as long as there are humble and meek souls among us who constantly pray that the Lord will not allow evil, for the sake of such souls the satanic plan cannot be realized, for them and for the sake of innocent children the sun still shines and God blesses us. ”
Archimandrite Thaddeus of Vitovnica
I think so some times we think love is suposed to be a perfect easy thing which comes easy. Some thing never will make you feel pain,, and never be dificult or require effort and work.
I am not judging this woman,, I only want to give it as example. A woman I do not know well, I can say she is acquaintance. She and her husband have got 3 beautiful sons,, and if I ever saw a couple very in love I would say it was them. So beautiful couple who always was seeming very in love. I saw her on the weekend and she introduced me to her fiance, for sure I was feeling very shocked, and she said she had divorce from her husband before 6 months.
I can not judge her, I do not know theyre story. It is between them.and God. But I can feel,, what is hapening? Maybe in the situation of this woman and her husband it was bad circumstances, But it hapens with very many people. How many times people seem happy the one moment and the next moment they are divorced?
I know how it is to experience dificult times in your marriage, I know how it is to feel you are not strong enough to continue with the marriage. But we make vows, we make promise. To our spouse and to the Lord. When dificult times come,, and for sure they hapen, do we just quit? We say ok we are tired let us move to the next one and start again? What about the children? We can pursue our own “happyness” with the expense of our childrens?
Love some times is not easy, some times love will “crown you” and other times “crucify you”. This is what it means to be in this world, it is our ship and is not our home. We must to pray for strength to not throw love out of the door when only it needs a little bit of fresh air. We must to work for it.