Last week my friend come to see me. She was here some hours and my toddler son was being typical toddler and typical boy. He was running around and being loud and makeing mess. I am used to it. I think so it is more not healthy if we make our children to play quiet and alone and supress theyre personalitys. My son being the way he is makes me proud that actualy he is just a healthy growing boy. For sure it is some times when he throws things in frustration because he can not have what he wants,, but this is part of being toddler and testing limits. My friend said to me, “your son is out of control, how do you deal with it, you look tired etc.” (My friend is not a mother). And she sugested a child psychiatrist. (My son is 2 years old)
For sure when some one criticises your child you will feel defense and be very fast to correct them. I said to her “you know, he is normal and healthy with energetic temprament. Each one child is different”. I think so she realised she had ofended me a little bit and had maybe expressed her point wrong. She corrected her self and said, “Well, you know I think you will be a great mother to daughters,, you are just very soft to be a mother to boys.”
I did not have to ask her what she means when she said, “too soft” because it is some thing she and another women have said to me very many times. It is painfull if we let it to be, and for sure if we are criticised about the same point many times we must to look to ourself and see actualy what are our faults so we can work on them. But in the end of the day, I believe we can not change who we are and our character, fundamentaly. We can inprove but we are still us with our own temprament and personality.
I was a little upset recentley when a group of women friends (who I am usualy a part of that friend ship group) decided to go for paint balling for one womans birthday. It was all women group and it would have been lovely to be invited. When you are a mother you do not get chance to go out very much. My friend last week was talking how fun it was and I tryed to hide that I was feeling little bit left out. She probabley noticed my feeling and said, “We did not invite you and Maria because we knew you two hate paint balling”. I said “actualy, paint balling is fun.” She started to laugh and said it was funny even to imagine me paint balling and that would I wear high heels?
I do not want to make my friend seem not kind, truthfuly she has a wonderfull heart. But I know some times our diferences annoy her. She calls me, a “doll” and says I am very fragile. But the truth is imo, it is not a weakness to be more feminine or sensitive. Every one we have our own strength and weakness and perhaps we are suposed to be that way. Some women have strength in diferent ways that I admire very much. For example,, I know some women who are very ambitios with theyre career. That is wonderfull and some thing that I do not possess. But that does not some how make me and other women with more home making and soft temprament some how better than us.